So, probably been awhile since some of you heard from me. I'm still around, just still working away tirelessly. I've had thoughts and questions burning in my mind that I finally want to say. It's been bothering me quite a long time.
Here on DA, I have quite a few watchers. And lately I am questioning why most of you follow me. As you can see, it's been a long time since I posted my own piece. I don't feel I am good, I don't believe I ever was. For as long as I been here, the only thing I can say that I have improved on is coloring and shading. Can I draw anatomically correct? No I cant. I can't draw paws to save my life, I can't draw an animal correctly. Heh, I'm 22 and I can't draw well. So what is it that brings you to watch me? Is it because of my art or is it due to the commissions I get? Lots of you that I have had a pleasure to watch improve, I envy you. You work to improve and you have done well.
Yet here I am, with a dusty tablet and Sai sitting on my desktop. I have no pleasure in drawing anymore. I can't bring myself to it. I feel awful, I owe so few art trades left, and I can't deliver timely. I've promised time and again I will do it, yet I can't do it. There is no fun, there is no joy, I don't want to force myself to draw something that I can't enjoy doing like I used to. Because ones waiting deserve the best I can do, but I can't seem to enjoy something I loved to do. I am sorry to those who still wait, I'm not sure of myself anymore.
It's sad to see the works I have done go mostly unnoticed. My most faved submissions are the collabs, ones I've only colored the line art. I didn't draw it, I only colored. Yet somehow, after being posted a long time ago, people still fav them. It's great you do, but I didn't draw it and I've begun to think I'll move them to storage because I don't feel it's right for that to be noticed more than ones I've spent time on to do myself. So those may be going out of my gallery soon, maybe I haven't decided for sure yet.
I have my good days and my bad days. I feel like my life is in shambles some days, others there's a silver lining. I have my issues. I live alone, I support myself. I pay the rent, the bills, everything. I have no help. Some days it's tough because I have a hard time clawing my way out of the debt I have. Some days it's good when I get something paid off or I get to treat myself to getting something I been wanting. I don't feel an equal balance, it's one thing or another. Adult life is hard, there's no lie to that. It's never going to be easy, be prepared for it.
To sum it all 2014 sucks. I had great loses this year, and so few good things to make up for it. I don't think I'll return to drawing soon until I can figure out what my deal is. All I am doing now is just maintaining a online presence. I am still here, I am just quiet for now.